Winter hates me.

It’s far too easy to say that I hate winter. At this point, after the winter we’ve had around here, EVERYONE hates winter.

We’ve had more snow this winter than any in recent memory. It’s been bitterly cold, then warm, then cold, then warm and humid, and then cold again– over and over and over.

I’ve been sick three times with any given number of respiratory ailments, and no sooner than one leaves, another takes its place.

But through all of this insanity, I’m managed not to slip and fall on the icy sidewalks… Until today.

So instead of believing that I hate winter (which I do), I think it’s time to realize that something even bigger is afoot.  Winter hates ME.

I woke up a little late today so I begrudgingly decided to take my car in to work. I say begrudgingly because it meant I had to scrape yesterday’s ice and snow off the windows, and that’s never a fun job when you’re in a hurry. Also, since it had been there a couple days, it was bound to be glued to the windows and therefore a bitch to remove.  I was right.

I also decided to drive because the conditions were really icy and I didn’t feel it would be in my best interest to walk on everyone’s ice-packed sidewalks. See, in my neighborhood there are the responsible residents and the lazy residents. The responsible residents shovel, salt, and then shovel again after the salt breaks up the snow and ice a bit more. Their sidewalks clear up in a day or so and turn into safe walking surfaces for everyone. The lazy residents let everyone trample the snow until it’s smooshed into a thick glacier-like substance, and hope that maybe the temperature will rise so it will turn to slush and get brushed away by the constant traffic of people’s feet. This works fine in theory, except if the temperature decides to dive even lower the next day, which turns that solid glacier into solid ice. Not fun at all, folks.

So I chose to drive to avoid this. And it went great… until I got to the parking garage. I had to park on the roof, which never pleases me, but it’s better than nothing. I got out of the car and dodged the ice around me until I reached the doors to the elevator. I stepped up on the curb and then saw what eventually brought me down. A smooth, shiny sheet of ice.  I couldn’t avoid it.  There was no way around it.  So I stepped.

CRASH!

I hit the ground, directly on my right knee.

Now I should mention that I have pretty bad knees. Always have. My knees have always popped when I bend them, and once in a while I even tear a little cartilage if I’m not careful when getting jostled around on the El or while… um… horsing around. The tears last for weeks and are incredibly painful, and unfortunately the only thing I can do is wear a brace and wait for it to heal.

That’s how it feels right now.

I don’t know if I twisted it or just bashed it hard against the concrete. If it hurts worse tomorrow (which I suspect it will) I may have to visit the E.R. Great way to start off the new year!!!

So this winter has been very unkind to me. I’ve been its bitch, and I’ve submitted over and over again. It’s taking its toll on me something fierce…

But even still, it hasn’t beat me yet!

Ugh. It's back.

I’ve been out of commission for the last few days, sick with a case of Sinusitis. So I didn’t quite realize what day was approaching until I got back to work today.

The day started off fairly normal. I sat at my desk, went through my email, and started on that day’s projects.

Then my co-worker and I went to get lunch. No big deal.

When we got back, there were little pink cellophane sacks of candy on our desks.

“Oh great,” I said, realizing what day was coming. “Valentine’s Day.”

That’s right, folks. I hate Valentine’s Day.

I hate it with the passion of a thousand burning suns.

I hate it more than I hate winter… and believe me, I’m hating winter pretty hard right about now.

I hate it more than a hangnail.

I hate it more than I hate George W. Bush. And that’s an awful lot.

OK maybe not that much.

But you get the point.

I knew what was coming next… the mail carrier would bring in cartons of roses and flowers for all the lovey-dovey people in the office. Ugh Ugh UGH.

The cries of “Oh my GOD! For ME!?!” and “Oh how SWEET!!!!” and “I can’t believe he got me ROSES!” echoed in my brain long before the first FTD box appeared.

And appear they did– three arrangements arrived within the last hour of work. And surely there are many more to come.

Yes, Valentine’s Day sucks. It sucks for the single people of the world. It sucks for the lonely people of the world. It exists to remind those of us in that pathetic category just how pathetic we are. And serves to remind us how sickeningly sweetly happy the married and otherwise occupied people of the world are.

It reminds us of how much we want to bitch-slap all those gooey-happy-lovey people in the face with a glove full of coal.

What, me? Bitter?

Yeah.. what’s it to ya?

I AM FREE!!!!!

Today’s surgery went splendidly! I’m home, resting, and feeling fabulous.

Aside from the burning sensation when I … you know … pee.

Cause it hurts.

A LOT.

I’ll leave you to figure out why.

But on the flip side, I am now 100% STONE FREE. And 100% Stent free. FREE, I TELL YOU! Which means I can go back to living a normal life again.

As soon as this burning sensation subsides.

Thank God for drugs!

P.S. Thanks to Scott for guest blogging for me on Tuesday. While it isn’t exactly true that I am buds with O.J. Simpson or Osama bin Laden, I want to warn all of you dear readers (and voters) about an unholy alliance I have uncovered between our dear Mr. O-Rama and kooky Venezuelan president Hugo Chavez. See for yourself… if you dare:

Spare us this atrocity! Vote for RcktMan’s Launching Pad for Best Personal GLBT Blog!

Sesame Moments: Monsterpiece Theatre- The Sound of Music

Hi-ho… still on my little hiatus, but I had a few Sesame Moment videos queued up, so I figured I’d share them– rather than keep things dormant. So here we go!

Alastair Cookie introduces the classic musical “The Sound of Music,” starring Grover in Lederhosen, waiting for The Sound of Music. When he hears it, hilarious things happen!