Scott-O-Rama here! I’m filling in for Rick today as he goes under the knife. I know all of our thoughts and prayers are with him. I sure hope he didn’t watch that movie “Awake” though before his operation today. I got creeped out just watching the previews for it. I don’t care what my doctor says; I’m never having surgery again.
Now with Rick laid up on the operating table, I would never take this opportunity to do some negative campaigning against him since he’s my competition in the 2007 GLBT Verve Awards.
Or would I?
I mean it would be completely wrong of me to mention how Rick likes to kick puppies, now wouldn’t it?
And I certainly shouldn’t mention that Rick is wanted in nine states for elderly abuse. That wouldn’t be fair because he’s only been convicted in five of the states while he awaits trial in the other four. Innocent until proven guilty like in those first five states, right?
What about Rick’s involvement with OJ Simpson? It’s been blown completely out of proportion. Rick only mentioned to OJ how he thought Nicole was cheating on him with Ron Goldman.
And despite Rick’s almost maniacal obsession with JonBenét, he had absolutely nothing to do with her murder. Or the disappearance of eleven other children. Nope, nothing at all.
Speaking of bizarre sexcapades, Rick’s love life shouldn’t be a factor at all in your voting decision. What he and Sen. Larry Craig do in the privacy of a public airport restroom is between them. I’ll just never understand how they fit the sling, the chickens, and all that Crisco in that small little stall.
Since America believes in freedom of religion, you shouldn’t judge Rick by the fact that he worships Satan. And drinks blood. Kitten blood. He’s free to worship as he sees fit.
No, don’t let any of these facts, uh… I mean rumors taint your decision to vote for Rick in the 2007 GLBT Verve Awards instead of a God-fearing, church-going, poor-feeding, bible-reading, true American like me. I’m nearly completely sure that you won’t burn in hell for all eternity if you do so.
Now if you’ll excuse me, I’ve got to go help old ladies cross the street.