I Try (A Lyrical Parody)

Cover of "I Try Pt. 2"
Cover of I Try Pt. 2

I was just going through some old papers and found this parody lyric that I wrote while I was working at Crate & Barrel (it’s on Crate stationery) in probably 2000 or 2001. Pretty funny. It wasn’t finished so I added some more lyrics. Of course, given my current weight loss/diet status, this is not exactly true. I’m doing quite well, thank you!

(To the tune of Macy Gray’s “I Try”)

Weight gainin’ again
Can’t seem to lose it now
When will it stop?
I believe that fate
Chose me to be
Bigger than an elephant… elephant!

I burn it off but I gain it all back
I lose my cool ’cause I’m dreamin’

I try to drink Slim Fast but I choke
I try to walk a mile but I stumble
My clothes may try to hide it, but it’s clear
I’m too weak for a diet, I fear

I tried out Jenny Craig but I quit
I tried Seattle Sutton but I’m broke
Weight Watchers wouldn’t take me, it’s clear
I’m much better off fatter my dear.

I may appear to be sane
But I’m just a prisoner of my glut
I may seem alright, and smile when I eat
But my smiles are just a front
Just a front

I eat it all while I’m dreaming of you
My pants are so tight that I’m dizzy

I try to drink Slim Fast but I choke
I try to walk a mile but I stumble
My clothes may try to hide but, but it’s clear
I’m too weak for a diet, I fear

I tried out Jenny Craig but I quit
I tried Seattle Sutton but I’m broke
Weight Watchers wouldn’t take me, it’s clear
I’m much better off fatter my dear.

Food is my obsession
When I’m in possesion
I love it so much
Candies, cakes and such
With all my might I try
But I just can’t deny
Deny….

I burn it off but I gain it all back
I lose my cool ’cause I’m dreamin’

I try to drink Slim Fast but I choke
I try to walk a mile but I stumble
My clothes may try to hide but, but it’s clear
I’m too weak for a diet, I fear

I tried out Jenny Craig but I quit
I tried Seattle Sutton but I’m broke
Weight Watchers wouldn’t take me, it’s clear
I’m much better off fatter my dear.

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