I just heard from the ex for the first time in nearly 3 years. He’s moving back to Chicago in the winter.
How does one respond in such a situation?
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Dilemma
Posted in Dating, Dilemmas, Relationships
Published by Rick
Rick Aiello knows something about cheese - he was born and raised in Kenosha, Wisconsin. Since moving to Chicago in 1997 he has involved himself in Chicago's music and arts scene, both as a cabaret artist and as a member of the Chicago Gay Men's Chorus. With a taste for the ridiculous and fanciful, he began his personal blog, Rick's Launching Pad in 2004. Rick lives in Chicago with his two furry children, Pippin and Screech, and enjoys photography, music, cooking and men... not necessarily in that order. View all posts by Rick
huh. how'd you guys depart?
Run for the hills?
I have experience with this…but in a nutshell…run like hell.
If you want more details you can inquire within. 😉
A simple, “Have a safe move.” And then ignore, ignore, ignore.
At first on not bad terms… but eventually it went sour. Very sour. And like I said I hadn't heard from him in close to 3 years. I didn't know if he was dead or alive, to be honest. And now this.
Yeah, I don't know if I'll be responding anytime soon.
sour, eh? if i may suggest, maybe a polite “welcome back” and leave it at that?
I would say that if nothing good will come of it, then keep the distance. I’m learning that the hard way!
“How does one respond in such a situation?”
By not responding anymore. I've read your blog. What a bad news bear he was.
But…the problem, if one presents itself, won't be him in Chicago. It will be you engaging with him. Let him have whatever problematic or problem-free life he may claim to have now, and make sure you know you don't have to be a part of it.
And then don't be. Just let him go. I know, “just”, right? But your blog makes it sound like he's like self-destructive peanuts to you. Would you really stop with just one call, or two months from now is he going to be sitting at your Thanksgiving table nodding out into his stuffing?
More to the point, why is he coming back? (Failure elsewhere?) And why is he calling you after all this time? (Desperation? All other Second City bridges burned?)
If he's fixed himself by now, great. But after your history together, how will you ever trust that he's finally cleaned up his act? If he's still screwed up, hopefully you know by now he'll never change and you can't fix him.
Because the moment you call him back (as I suspect you already suspect), you're screwed. My two cents from the sidelines.
Yikes! Just don't go there. You have to look to where you are going, not where you've been or where you don't want to go.