In honor of the yearly Darwin Awards, which celebrates those who improve the species by accidentally removing themselves from it; and which is being discussed on today’s Feast of Fools show (in case you’re interested), I have a little Darwinesque story of my own to share:
About 15 years ago or so when I was still living at home in Kenosha, I was coming home from the bars in Chicago late at night and I-94 was pretty clear of traffic. I was just cruising along as I crossed the state line into Kenosha, minding my own business, when all of a sudden I could see tail lights approaching me at BREAKNECK speed.
They weren’t attached to car or a truck. I would have noticed those much earlier and could have easily avoided them had this been the case. But the reason why I didn’t notice them until the very last second was because they were attached to a relatively small motorcycle; and the cycle and its driver were stopped DEAD in the MIDDLE OF THE FRICKIN’ INTERSTATE, in my lane.
Now understand here that while I had been out all night, and I more than likely had a few drinks throughout the night; I had probably gone out for a late night breakfast at some diner afterward so I was pretty well sober by that time. It was definitely late and I was tired, but I had all my wits about me.
I had to be going at least 65-70MPH and maybe 500-1000 feet away when I realized what it was coming toward me. I hit the brakes hard and swerved, spun around at least 4 times, and somehow, by the grace of whatever, I neither hit the idiot nor did I flip my car over. When the car finally stopped spinning, I ended up facing the opposite direction, and I could still see the asshole parked in the middle of the fucking street. After I composed myself, cussed the guy out for being such an idiot (with a certain death wish), I took a few deep breaths, I turned myself around and kept on driving.
Thankfully, as I said, there was next to NO traffic on the highway at the time. If there had been, there would have been a major pileup and I surely could have been crushed by something or other.
I wonder what the hell his problem was, anyway?