My Date From Hell

This was probably 6-7 years ago.

We met online. Of course.

His pictures depicted a handsome guy, nice smile, clean-cut, and fairly normal. As did his demeanor online. We chatted for a long time and then finally decided to meet. He lived in the burbs so we agreed that I would drive out to meet him there, have dinner, and see what happened.

He lived in Lisle– which is a good 45 minutes southwest of Chicago. I had never been to Lisle, and quite frankly haven’t had much of an inclination to go back since. And he didn’t live on the outskirts of town or anything — he lived IN the town. So not only had I never been there before, I had to find my way around an unfamiliar town– which is never easy. But dammit, I did it anyway.

After a long time driving and following directions, I finally got to his place. I parked the car and rang his door and went up to meet him. He resembled his pictures — although I wasn’t expecting the 40 or so pounds of extra weight. And he had a very strange demeanor to him — part shy, part serial killer. But I figured maybe he’d warm up after a while, so I gave him the benefit of the doubt. Besides, I was hungry, and he promised dinner.

“So, where are we going to dinner?” I asked him. “Well,” he replied, “There’s a McDonald’s down the street, and a Wendy’s a little further down, and maybe a Burger King somewhere further out…”

I looked at him slack-jawed. I drove all the way out to bum-fuck nowhere for this?

“Umm…” I started, “I didn’t drive all the way out here for a first date of FAST FOOD.”

He said he was a bit broke, and at that point I didn’t care where we ate, just as long as I had SOMETHING to eat. So I offered to drive somewhere and we’d find something.

We ended up at Steak and Shake. Drive Thru.

Needless to say, any possibility of romance was WELL over by that point.

By now it was getting pretty late. I was tired, and really didn’t feel like driving back. He offered to let me stay the night at his place and I could leave in the morning. I accepted, even though I knew I wasn’t interested in anything with this guy. So I crashed, we watched a movie and went to sleep. And nothing happened.

The next morning I got ready fast and said good bye– only to find a parking ticket from the Village of Lisle on my windshield.  I figured that served me right for going on this hare-brained date in the first place.

And people wonder why I no longer date… this would be just one of the many reasons why.