Dear Amber, Bobbie, Cassie, Deirdre, Elaine, Frannie, Gina, Heather, Ingrid, Jennifer, Kelly, LaTasha, Monique, Nancy, Ophelia, Penny, Quinn, Rachel, Sandy, Tess, Ursula, Vivian, Wendy, Xena, Yolanda, and/or Zelda (among many others):
I usually don’t do these types of things en masse like this, but I’ve simply had enough, and I felt I had to do something.
So here it is: I do not want to be your MySpace friend.
Please stop asking me.
I don’t know you. I don’t want to know you. And, as a matter of fact, I am hesitant to think you are even real people.
Why don’t I want to be your MySpace friend? Well, for starters, your interests generally involve the following:
Making X-Rated videos
Now, I’m sorry… but if you had maybe listed “Singing showtunes” or “Cooking up a mean souffle” maybe I would be interested in chatting… but I think you missed a very important part of MY profile when you chose me as your potential friend: I’m GAY. That means I like BOYS.
Boys that strip or pose naked or make x-rated videos are high on my list. Girls who do these things are not.
Now I should add that I have plenty of female friends on my MySpace page. Hell, even my sister is on my MySpace page. But I have to draw the line somewhere; and this line is most definitely indelible.
So please, stop asking me to be your MySpace friend. I’m sure there are plenty of horny straight men out there who would be glad to check out your newest website, “www.jiggles_for_giggles.com.”
I hope I’ve made myself perfectly clear. Please stop wasting your time and mine.
Best wishes on your future endeavors!