When last I left you, I had just returned from the hospital from another bout with a kidney stone.
You know that old saying “It’s deja vu all over again?” Well, this was one of those situations.
I went back to work on Wednesday, and managed fairly well; only feeling pain toward the end of the day. By the next morning, however, I felt like I was back at square one. Everything was back– but even worse: the pain, the nausea, the vomiting, the dizziness. I paged my doctor and he told me to get the Emergency Room right way. It was 6:00 in the morning.
Thankfully, I found a friend would could drive me to the hospital and he got me there in no time. And once again, because it was so early, I was checked in and on a bed in less than 10 minutes. It took 4 syringes of pain medication to calm me down. I knew I was going to be there for a while.
After I was fairly stable, they brought me back to the observation unit. This time they put me in a room with a private bathroom (how nice!). My Urologist was waiting for me when I arrived. I was never so glad to see him. He said they would send me down for another CT scan to find out where the stone was and decide what to do when they saw those. But more than likely they would have to insert a stent (a tube) into my ureter to help “encourage” the stone to move. That didn’t sound like fun, but at that point, I would have shoved a hot, fiery dagger up my dick to get the stone out if it would work.
OK… not really.
Anyway, that day they did the CT scans, which showed that the stone had moved maybe a centimeter from its original spot. So the stent had to go in, and would go in the following day. So I was assured at least one night. The doctors told me I would be going for my surgery in the afternoon the next day, so it was looking pretty good that I would be there two nights, tops.
Now it is at this time that I should mention my Urologist’s assistants who came to visit me. Northwestern is a teaching hospital (much like Seattle Grace of Grey’s Anatomy). So there are always a lot of young interns and residents running around. A lot of HOT young interns and residents, that is. My Urologist’s assistants were no exception. One, whose name I believe was Chad, came to visit me the night before the surgery. He was wearing a loose-fitting T-shirt and sweat pants, and holding an athletic bag. And when I say loose-fitting T, it wasn’t all that loose. He was very, very hot. All I could think while he talked to me was, “You? Are going to be working on my penis? Oh YES you are!” I wish I could have been awake for at least some of that. Sigh.
The second assistant, whose name might have been James or Jaime or Hottie… I don’t know… came to see me the morning of my surgery. He was dressed much more appropriately in his medical white outfit, but that didn’t make him any less hot. His eyes were what got me… dark, deep, friendly. I didn’t need any anesthesia, I just could gaze into his eyes and everything would be fine… just fine.
Sadly, it didn’t work out that way. 10 minutes before the end of the The Birdcage (which I was watching on Starz! or Encore! or one of those cable movie channels that isn’t the usual HBO), they wheeled me into the prep area so they could begin my anesthesia. At first I didn’t feel much. I just relaxed a bit as they wheeled me into the OR and started prepping me for surgery. I felt my legs stretch open (which meant I was open for all the world to see), and my hands go into their restraints… and then…
…I woke up. In a flash, I felt like I had been transported into another dimension. I was back at the prep area. People were calling my name, but I was definitely awake. And instead of asking where I was, or what had happened… I began to cry. NO… I began to absolutely BAWL. For no reason. I felt no pain, I couldn’t even explain what was making me do this. I just… CRIED. I even asked the nurses, “Why am I crying!?” They told me that it happens when people wake up from this anesthesia sometimes. I found that odd. I mean… I know I can be a crybaby… but come on! I could at least use a REASON to cry!
After about 5 minutes, the crying subsided, and the pain suddenly hit. It was like a fireball slowly approaching. And again I was in hysterics. I felt like I had to pee SOOOOO BADLY. They even gave me a bottle to try to pee into… all I could muster was a tiny, bloody droplet. So they shot me up with pain meds and it eventually died down.
I went in for my procedure at 5:00pm. When I awoke, it was 6:00pm. Naturally, I assumed I would be staying another night.
I went home at 2:00pm today. I still have some blood in my urine from the procedure, but for the most part I am feeling 1,000x better. I have no idea if the stone is actually out, but more than likely, with all the fluids they had been feeding me and the drugs they gave me to help dissolve it, it is probably gone. I don’t feel anything anymore. And it feels pretty fucking incredible. The bitch is that I have this stent inside me now, and I will have that for about 4-5 weeks. But at least if any other stones pop up, I’ll be ready for them.
And please, whatever you do, if your doctor gives you a prescription and says “These will help you prevent something bad from happening to you,” TAKE THE DAMN PILLS. Don’t bitch and moan about how many you have to take or how crappy they taste or how you hate taking pills. If you take the pills, you will save yourself a lot of grief. I wish I had taken my own advice 5-6 months ago. But I guess some of us just have to learn the hard way.
So that’s the end of my lost week. Lost to pain, lost to hospitals, and lost to agony. Keep your fingers crossed for me that next week will turn out to be a lot better!
And finally, a big thank you to everyone who commented on the last post, who wrote special Emails, who called, who helped where they could, and who lent their support through this most incredibly painful situation. Thanks especially to my friends, Raf, Perry, Jeremy, Jason, Matt, Arnie and Ricardo who called or visited or helped drive me to and/or from the hospital. Once again I am reminded how blessed I am to have such great friends. You are all the best.