Over the last six years at work, I have eaten Chinese food more times than I care to remember. I’ve ingested more Rama Chicken (Chicken with peanut sauce over steamed broccoli and white rice) and Sweet and Sour Chicken than just about any other course.
And I have the Fortune Cookie fortunes to prove it.
During this time, I have collected some rather interesting fortunes. Some of which I had hoped would come true. Some which HAVE come true; and some of which… well, I’m still waiting.
And while I know the old game of adding “in bed” to the end of all fortunes makes them funnier, sometimes the fortunes themselves are funny enough. Especially if you take them with a grain of sand as they are intended.
Here are a few of my favorites:
Any rough times are now behind you
Yes, this may have been true at the time, but the rub is that you never know what’s lurking around the corner. The fortune doesn’t say “…but watch out for that next step, it’s a lulu!”
You have a deep appreciation of the arts and music
Tell me something I don’t already know!
Romance moves you in a new direction
If that direction is straight into the shitter, than this fortune was right on the money.
The heart is wiser than the intellect
And the brain you choose to use will guide your way.
You have a quiet and unobtrusive nature
Unless you piss me off—then watch out!
You need not worry about your future
Why should I start now?
Treat the past as the past—now is the time to start anew
Now!? What about all this worrying about the future I’m not supposed to be doing!?
He who is afraid of asking is ashamed of learning
And he who asks stupid questions learns quickly that he’s an idiot.
Your life will soon be graced with the presence of stardom
I’m too old for American Idol. I’ll have to settle for Karaoke King.
Your success in life must be earned with earnest efforts
So cheating, stealing and lying is out of the question? Damn!
A handful of patience is worth more than a bushel of brains
Amen to that!
Happy news is on its way
You mean George Bush is going to be impeached soon!? OH GOODY!
So what are some good fortunes you’ve received?