Age and the Dating Gay Man

If I had a nickel for every time someone has told me…

“I don’t understand HOW you are still single!”

“You’re such a CATCH!”

“If I weren’t married/dating/in a relationship/someone’s manservent I’d have snatched you up already!”

…I’d be debt-free and on that damned cruise with my friends right now in the Carribean.

Honestly, dear and faithful readers, I know exactly why I’m still single. Do you really think I’m single just for the fun of it? Of course not. I have a method to my madness.

You see, I am now of the age where the need to be dating or “in love” is not the most important thing in my life. In fact, on the list of “Important Things” in my life, it’s probably not even in the top 10. As I have grown older, I’ve come to realize that the companionship of friends, family, and even pets is more important to me than having to stress myself out about the dating scene.

And as I’ve had dating experiences go painfully wrong, or had relationships crumble because of secrets and lies that I had to find out about the hard way, I’ve become much more attuned to the signs of danger in the dating world. Some my call this being overly cautious, and some may say I’m jaded and/or bitter, but I call it being protective of my heart and of my self. I see nothing at all wrong with it.

I want a relationship on my own terms, and I want my terms to match his terms. I want someone who is as crazy about me as I am about him. And I will not settle for just anyone. My requirements for the “ideal mate” are not set in stone, and neither should his be. He doesn’t have to have a perfect body. He doesn’t have to have a certain color of eyes or hair. He doesn’t need to drive a Jaguar and make a million dollars. He doesn’t even have to have a specific color of skin. If it is meant to be, it will be.

And if I know I’m interested in someone, I will make a move and see where it goes. I’ve tried waiting for someone to make a move on me, and… well… I’m still waiting. Sometimes you need to grab the bull by the horns or he’s going to run off and find someone else. And it’s happened to me way too many times in the past.

Yes, as I’ve grown older, I’ve realized that as a society– the gay community in particular– we have put far too much emphasis on finding the “ideal mate.” We have created scientific methods, computer programs, games, tricks, TV shows, and websites galore catered to finding the “Perfect Match.” And yet you’ll hear stories about some people bumping into each other at a grocery store, or accidentally calling the wrong person and striking up a conversation, or meeting someone at a party– and instantly they realize they were meant to be together.

Maybe instead of trying to concoct the right potion, we should just concentrate on being ourselves and seeing what happens.

So that’s where I am. Hopefully it will work. But if it doesn’t, at least I haven’t invested all that extra energy for naught. And since I have nothing to really lose, I won’t feel like such a failure if it doesn’t work out.

And that is why I haven’t been “snatched up” yet.

Besides, who wants to be “snatched” at all, anyway? 🙂