Not Getting Any Younger

Ever since I turned 35, I’ve said the words “I’m not getting any younger” a few too many times.

And considering I’ll be 36 in just a few short months, that’s pretty sad.

When I had my birthday in December of 2005, I reflected on the things I’d done in my life and the things I’d like to do in the next 35 years.

What I didn’t realize, however, is that there is so much that I haven’t done yet that I almost doubt I will ever get to. Am I over-analyzing the whole situation? Maybe. But I can’t stop thinking about it.

So here I am, pondering my existence on this Earth once again.

And in the meantime, I’m boring my blog readers to tears with my prattle. But it’s my blog, so here goes.

Here are some things I have wanted to accomplish by now but haven’t:

  • Become independently wealthy.
  • Settle down with a nice man.
  • Buy a home.
  • Pay off all my debts.
  • Live the good life.

OK so 99% of that list is completely un-realistic. The 1% that is realistic is completely interchangable. Still, however, not a single one of those goals has been realized.  I’m doing better with my debts, but after checking my credit rating recently and seeing that I’m in the “Very Poor” category, I’m not foreseeing a very rosy finanical future.

Since I moved out of my parents house nearly 10 years ago (I can’t believe it’s been nearly 10 years!), I’ve lived my life just flying by the seat of my pants. I’m TRYING to make things better for myself and catch up with the mistakes of my past, but it’s not easy. For instance:

  • I still have a good amount of debt in credit cards and other loans.
  • I still am renting.
  • I still struggle making payments to various debtors (including my rent at times, which SUCKS).

But all is not doom and gloom.  I have a lot of good things to consider, such as:

  • I have kept my two cats alive and healthy for the last 6 years.
  • I have furnished my home to the point where I feel actually AT home in it.
  • I never go hungry
  • I don’t have old, tattered clothing.
  • I have great friends.
  • I have a loving and supportive family.
  • With hardly any gray hairs (and a full head of hair), I look DAMN GOOD for 35!

So what’s my problem?  Well, I’m just like everyone else — I want it all.  I want success in every aspect of my life.  I want happiness for myself and all who are in my life.  It’s not so much to ask, when you think about it… it’s just too much for reality to deliver.

So in a few short months, I will be turning 36.  I’ll officially be nearing 40.  Am I afraid of 40?  A little bit… but as long as I keep my head squarely on my shoulders, I should be able to face it head-on. 

Tomorrow is another day.

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