Just another reason why…

…I LOVE Grey’s Anatomy.

God Fucking DAMN!

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Brief Updates…

Update on the Guy…

After our intense text message/phone call day the other day, he suddenly fell off the face of the earth.  Which is typical.  I sent him a text message a few days ago saying “Call me?” (since he would text “Call me” to me, and I would call him, and he would tell me “Hey I’ll call you right back” and never call back) and left it at that.  The ball is in his court and that’s where I’m leaving it.  If he wants to call me, he will.  If not, so be it.  I’m tired of playing these stupid games.

Update on my disconnected-ness…

Basically it’s been a lack of sleep, caused by my brain being in too many places at once; with a dash of being under the crazy weather we’ve been having lately.  I got a really good night’s sleep last night for the first time in a LONG time.  It felt VERY good.

Update on my job…

I still hate it. 

Another update on dating….

I had a date the other day with a boy from online that I have been chatting with for (literally) years now.  One that lasted all night long.  It was really very nice… but I’m not sure if it will mean anything for the future.  He’s about 10 years my junior, and while that normally doesn’t bother me, it isn’t really what I’m seeking for the long term.  But if we should happen to go out again, I won’t say no. 🙂

Update on sick friends…

Too many of my friends– both from the blogging world and in my ‘real world’– have been sick and in the hospital.  Stop it.  I want all my friends to be healthy. Get better NOW, damn you! 🙂

All for now… more later!

Disconnected

I feel very disconnected lately.  Disconnected from myself… disconnected from life. 

I feel like I’ve been coasting along on a bicycle for the past few months, after someone gave me a giant push… and I haven’t touched the pedals since.  I don’t know if I’m afraid to touch them, but so far, I haven’t slowed down enough to feel the need.

I know I’ve said this before… but it’s been a rough year.

I don’t mean to continually use that excuse for everything that goes wrong– or seemingly goes wrong– in my life.  But when things seem sour, it’s the most obvious place to turn to.

I should add here that nothing at this moment is particularly wrong.  Nothing has happened that has shattered my world, or thrown me for yet another loop. 

My job drives me crazy, and yet I spend hours at a time there, working my ass off.  My apartment is a disaster area, and yet I spent a whole day last week cleaning out and organizing a closet.  I have garbage bags piled outside my back door, and yet I continue to throw more out there.  I do my laundry to have clean clothes, and yet I let the laundry bag sit in my bedroom and forget to hang the clothes up.

Thank goodness I remember to feed my cats… and myself.  At least that much of my life remains intact.

I’m hoping that eventually my feet will finally come in contact with the pedals, and I’ll be in control of my life again.  Maybe I need help reaching them.  But I haven’t quite figured that out yet. 

And yet… another push wouldn’t be so bad, either.

PadCast #21: The Bridge

PadCast #21_ The Bridge

And every one of us has to face that day;
Do you cross the bridge, or do you fade away?
And every one of us that ever came to play
Has to cross the bridge or fade away….

Life throws crossroads and bridges at us all the time.  Sometimes we make the wrong choices… and sometimes we make the right choices.  Isn’t that what life is all about?

Today’s PadCast is inspired by the newest song by Elton John, “The Bridge” from his newest album “The Captain and The Kid” – featured in today’s show.

On today’s show, I talk about this song and how it has affected me as it relates to things that have happened in my life in the last few months.

EXCLUSIVE! I also give an update on the new guy I met yesterday.  Only you PadCast listeners get the latest scoop!  So you’d better listen if you want to find out what’s new in that story. 🙂

Bribery is a good thing, isn’t it? 😉

Music: (Opening) The Bridge – Elton John – The Captain and The Kid (iTunes)

Music: (Closing) Song For Guy (remix) – Elton John – Remixed (iTunes)

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Email me: rick (at) rcktman (dot) com

 

 

Just when you least expect it…

Sundays are always a whirlwind of activity… especially when I go to visit my mom for the weekend.  I usually spend the night there on Saturday night and leave on Sunday– and early enough so I can get home, get all my things up the stairs, and rest a bit before chorus rehearsal.

This was the case today.  It was a hot and muggy day, so all I really wanted to do was sit in the air conditioning and relax.  But Chorus is a major commitment– and I want to honor my commitment.  So at 4:45 I headed out the door.

Rehearsal went fine, even if we just about passed out from the humidity. (The church hall we rehearse in has no air conditioning– not much of a problem considering we spend most of our time there in the cooler months, but in the late summer/early fall it can be brutal.)  After rehearsal, we headed out to Sidetrack for some drinks and week-ending celebration.

Usually not many guys go out after rehearsal.  I’m one of the lucky folks in that I don’t have to work on Mondays until 11:30am, so I can be a little more liberal with my going-out schedule.  And since I was out of town all weekend, I really wanted to go out for a bit.  I always need a little “gay recharge” after a weekend away. 🙂

When I got to the bar, it was jam-packed with people.  Sidetrack has its ever-popular “Showtune Nights” on Sundays from 4-9 and Mondays from 9-close; and they are, by far, their most popular nights.  People crowd in the place– especially in the original “main” bar– and belt out showtunes being played on the video screens at the top of their lungs, occasionally tossing napkins in the air at certain moments, and shouting comments back at the screens where commentary doesn’t really exist. 

By the time I arrived, showtunes was just about wrapped up, and was about to segue into the “Retro 60s, 70s and 80s” set, which most people enjoy just as much as the showtunes.  I wandered around to find my friends Ricardo and Jason after stopping to chat with a few people.  I found them in the smoke-free “glass bar.”

Ricardo was talking to a few people, as he always does.  He’s quite the social butterfly, and I mean that only in the nicest of ways.  He’s one of the sweetest people I know… and he has the amazing ability to go up to a complete stranger and strike up a conversation.  It’s an ability I wish I could muster the courage to obtain– but instead I just sit back and watch the master at his work.

After a while, Ricardo started talking to another guy… one I thought I may have seen before, but figured that it was only because he was so strikingly handsome.  Eventually Ricardo introduced me to him.  And as per usual, when I meet people at a bar, the person’s name goes in one ear and out the other.  It’s not that I’m ignorant or anything; it’s just that it doesn’t really matter if I retain his name, especially if our meeting is just in passing.

But when this mysterious, handsome stranger decided to stick around with us and sing along with the songs on the video screens, I slowly began to realize that his attention began to move away from Ricardo and was being directed to… me!

Now I’m not one to pick up on signals, usually.  But the signals I was getting from him were not just someone having a good time and being silly.  This guy was being very flirtatious.  And I was sweating like a whore in church.  Mainly because it was so humid in the air, but also because I’m not used to this kind of attention.

It was rather exciting.

At one point I asked him “How do you know Ricardo?” figuring that Ricardo just started randomly talking to him as he does with so many other guys. 

Oh I’ve known him for a while… from here and there…” he said.  “How do you know him?”  He asked. 

“From the Chicago Gay Men’s Chorus,” I said.  “Hence why we are always singing all the time.” 

“Ah… that explains it all!”  he said with a smile.

Eventually he left for a bathroom break, so I used the opportunity to pull Ricardo aside and ask “Hey… what is his name again? The one that’s singing with us right now…”

“Oh you mean ‘him’*?”

“Yes.. that’s him.  I couldn’t remember his name.”

“Oh he’s such a sweetheart, Rick,” Ricardo said.  Then he added with a sly smile, “And you should know, you are very much his type.”

“Really….” I said. 

“Really.”  Ricardo replied.

“Well I’ll be damned,” I said to myself.  “I wonder if this was a setup or something.”  But I didn’t care.  If he was interested, I know I was interested too.  The guy is completely my type as well.  Dark brown hair, dark brown eyes, a little shorter than me, athletic build, but not ‘perfect’, great smile, great personality, great laugh… and he’s interested in ME!? 

So when he came back and reached out for a big hug… I knew I needed to see this guy again.

The rest of the night we sang along with a bunch of songs and just flirted with each other some more.  There wasn’t much “getting to know you” to be done… but when it came time to leave, he said “I’d love to sing some more songs with you sometime.” 

I said with a slight smirk, “I would too– but how on earth would we contact each other to do that?”

He pulled out his Blackberry.  “Well, what’s your number?”

I gave it to him, and he called my cell phone.  And then he gave me his full name, and I gave him mine.

As he left, we hugged again and I said “Call me.” 

He said, “I will.”

So that’s the end of my weekend.  Just when you least expect it… a possibility opens up. 

I’ll keep you posted. 🙂

* No name yet.  Not until I know something more “for sure.”  Sorry. 🙂