Three-Day Weekends

I love three-day weekends.

They’re like manna from Heaven. $10 in the pocket of freshly laundered jeans. An extra Chicken McNugget in a 9-piece order.

You get the picture.

I wish every month had a mandatory three-day weekend. We need more of them.

I love Martin Luther King. Yes, he was a great man, and did great things for a great many people. And I’m very sorry he died in such a senseless and tragic way. But because of him and because of his great legacy, we now have Martin Luther King Day. Thanks, Martin.

I love Memorial Day. I love President’s Day (although I don’t have President’s Day off this year. Dammit.)

I also love that many years ago the government proclaimed that these particular holidays should always be on Mondays. Because Mondays suck, and EVERYONE can agree on that.

Mondays at work suck… but Mondays spent shutting off the alarm clock and sleeping a little later rule.

I love Independence Day because this year it falls on a Tuesday and so my company decided to give us a four-day weekend.

And four-day weekends rule in ways I can’t even begin to explain.

I don’t like Easter because it’s always on a Sunday. It’s such a waste of a holiday. If we could have Easter Monday, we’d get another holiday off from work. Sure, many people don’t celebrate Easter, but many people don’t celebrate Christmas either, and we get that day off every year. And because Christmas falls on the same date every year (as does Independence Day), and the day changes from year to year, we still get a day off because we get whatever day is closest to that day as a “company holiday.” Now that’s cool.

But as I stated, the problem with all these holidays is that there just isn’t enough of them. After Martin Luther King Day in January and President’s Day in February, there is a ridiculously long stretch until Memorial Day. March and April need something going on. St. Patrick’s Day isn’t good enough for March. We need something more significant — like “End of Winter Day” or “Cherry Blossom Celebration” or something.

April needs a good Monday holiday, too. How about “Daylight Savings Time Adjustment Day” or “April Showers Day?”

May is covered. June needs one, though. And it’s an easy choice: “Beginning of Summer Day.” Or even “Summer Solstice Day.” Summer is SO something to celebrate.

Why not “Gay Pride Day?” Most Pride celebrations are held in June– why not make it a national holiday? That would be neato.

July is covered, but August is left holiday-less. I suggest “It’s Too Hot To Work So Let’s Go To The Beach Day.” We could shorten that (and celebrate the legacy of Cole Porter) with “Too Darn Hot Day.” Sweet.

September is covered with Labor Day. And I’ve already discussed the wonderful gifts that Labor Day has given us in this post.

October is without a true national holiday, but that’s easily rectified. Just make Columbus Day a National Holiday on the same caliber as Martin Luther King. Without Columbus we wouldn’t have America. So we owe him that much.

Halloween just can’t cut it as a national holiday. Unless, of course, you’re gay. Then you can just call in gay and say you need to celebrate the high holy days like a good little gay. Companies need to be more understanding about such rituals.

November is covered with Thanksgiving, and of course December is covered with Christmas.

So there you go… a full year of holidays. And all can be somehow converted to either three-day or four-day weekends.

Let’s get cracking on this now, shall we?

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