The Doctor's Office

Since I really don’t have much else to say today, I want to wish you a wonderful weekend and share this story with you. This was sent to me by my mother, in case you were wondering.

The Doctor’s Office

They always ask at the doctor’s office why you are there and you say in front of others what’s wrong and sometimes it’s embarrassing.

There’s nothing worse than a Doctor’s Receptionist who insists you tell her what is wrong with you in a room full of other patients. I know most of us have experienced this, and I love the way this old guy handled it.

An 86-year-old man walked into a crowded Doctor’s Waiting Room. As he approached the desk, the Receptionist said, “Yes sir, what are you seeing the Doctor for today?”

“There’s something wrong with my dick,” he replied.

The Receptionist became irritated and said, “You shouldn’t come into a crowded Doctor’s Room and say things like that.”

“Why not? You asked me what was wrong and I told you,” he said.

The Receptionist replied, “You’ve obviously caused some embarrassment in this room full of people. You should have said there is something wrong with your ear or something and then discussed the problem further with the Doctor in private.”

The man replied, “You shouldn’t ask people things in a room full of others, if the answer could embarrass anyone.”

The man walked out, waited several minutes and then re-entered.

The Receptionist smiled smugly and asked, “Yes?”

“There’s something wrong with my ear,” he stated.

The Receptionist nodded approvingly and smiled, knowing he had taken her advice.

“And what is wrong with your ear, Sir?”

“I can’t piss out of it,” the man replied.

The Waiting Room erupted in laughter.

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The Man in the Mirror

Take a look at the picture of me in the sidebar.

What do you see?

A thirty-something guy with (thankfully) all of his hair? Yes.

A half-Italian guy with a big nose? Yes.

A big, buff guy with great abs and a tight ass?

Hardly.

Folks, I’m not going to lie about who I am. I am a big guy. I have a belly. I wear size 38 pants. I have more than one chin. My ass is non-existent, which is a good thing, considering I could have the polar opposite and need two seats in coach on an airplane.

This is the real me. Camera angles can play tricks. I’ve learned that in the short time I’ve owned a digital camera. Who’s going to post an un-flattering picture of himself for all the world to see? Not me. Not you. Not anyone else.

You think I enjoy being this way? Of course I don’t. So why don’t I do anything about it?

Good question.

I wasn’t blessed with a good metabolism. I gain weight just by looking at food. I hate gyms because they intimidate the hell out of me. I’ve tried them, and just couldn’t get into it. I prefer to get my exercise from walking everywhere (which I’m forced to do now that I’m getting rid of my car). Should I do more? Of course I should. But you know what, I’ve reached the point in my life where I just have to say, “If you don’t like me for who I am, then I don’t need you.”

So there it is. Plain and simple. I am who I am. I am WHAT I am. And dammit, if you don’t like it, fuck off.

Life with Rick

Life with me is an adventure. To say the least.

In the last two weeks, I’ve had my car stolen (which I’ve just now located), had my DSL disconnected (which is now back on), and all the while, worked my ass off between my job and my two choruses. I’m on overload. And yet, I’m still plugging along.

This weekend I went to visit my parents. It was a nice visit, aside from the time spent doing manual labor. My sister and I worked in my mom’s daylily garden, digging them out and splitting them up so they would bloom again next year. I haven’t done so much shoveling in a long time. I’m a little sore today, but I’ll be fine. It was nice to be working the soil again, even if it was about 98% humidity that day and I was drenched by the time we were done. Or maybe that was the rain that started falling just as we wrapped things up. How fortuitous (my new favorite word).

Since my car is still MIA, (and for all I know, it may never be useable again,) my parents helped me rent a car for the weekend. Talk about being spoiled. I had a 2005 Ford Taurus. It was all decked out with leather seats, power windows and a sunroof… chock full of all the gadgets I didn’t have in my crummy ’97 Oldsmobile. But best of all, it had Air Conditioning. I forgot how much I missed having that!!!

Hm… on second thought, my life isn’t so much an adventure after all. It’s more of a bore.

Yes, folks, this is one of those dreadful “What I did this weekend” posts. I was going to write something witty, waxing poetic about my woeful sex life, or my equally woeful dating life; but I figured you were all tired of my whining about that by now.

It’s either this, or another tired old meme. And we all know how much we love those. 🙂

I need something exciting to happen in my life. I need a date. I need sex. Hell, I’ll settle with a man to just cuddle with all night (do you know how long it’s been since I’ve cuddled? It’s shocking, I’ll tell you that much).

I’m lonely. And I need to do something about that. I just don’t know what it is… yet.

Banished!

Sorry for the long break. It seems that SBC and I had a bit of a disagreement. You see, I thought that I should be able to connect to the internet with my DSL connection. They thought otherwise.

So for the last four days I’ve been unable to connect to the internet. Yes, you could say that I went through some periods of withdrawal. And then there were all the stages of grief– anger, depression, denial, etc.

But somehow I made it through. I knew that I would, one day, connect again. And so I’m back (from outer space), and things are back to semi-normal.

However I am now shopping for new DSL hosting and web service companies. If you have recommendations, I’d love to hear them.

SBC. *shudder*.

Daddy needs a new pair of shoes

My shoes are falling apart.

No great surprise there. I tend to wear them until they do this. Nobody has ever accused me of being Imelda Marcos.

My question (to myself) is, “Why do I let this happen?” “Why do I only wear one pair of shoes until holes develop in their soles so that rain, sand and other various things start creeping into them?”

Easy– I’m poor. Or I’m cheap. Or both.

I wonder how much the lottery is up to this week.