And so you're back….

While browsing a certain website, I found him.

The ex. The one I told the story about a month ago.

He’s with his mom. I could tell by the location on his profile.

So I sent him a note asking him where he has been and why he couldn’t contact me.

He replied saying he was embarrassed to contact me.

And that he had AIDS.

Not HIV.

AIDS.

And they can’t find anything to help him.

He has the new strain that is drug-resistant.

And I felt guilty for being angry with him, but I’m still angry with him. Because the reason he gave me for disappearing and not contacting me was that he was embarrassed. Embarrassed to tell me the truth. And embarrassed because he got himself into this mess in the first place.

I told him how I felt, but I also told him that he shouldn’t have been embarrassed to tell me anything. People who care don’t stop caring when things go wrong. That’s why they care.

I still have his things… I never gave them away. I knew he’d be back, and I didn’t want him to lose more than he had already lost in his lifetime. Because he has lost an awful lot already.

But I told him that I could not trust him again. He had betrayed my trust one too many times. And nothing would change that. He understood why I felt that way.

So in that respect, I feel like I made the right decisions.

But it still doesn’t hurt any less.

Up to Speed

I haven’t been a good blog boy lately.

So to bring you up to speed, here is what has been going on lately, and some updates on things I’ve written about in the past few weeks:

The Guy
We had a nice time, but it’s over. There just wasn’t a spark between us, and I knew it. Problem is, instead of actually coming out and saying “it’s over,” he just stopped communicating with me. But that’s fine. I was intending on talking to him about it anyway. He was nice, we had some nice times and some good dates, but if you know it isn’t going to work out, why prolong things? So I am back on the market. Again.

The Windows
They are in, they look fabulous, and I am so glad all that crazy drama is over. Pippin and Screech stayed with my friend for two days and it felt like two weeks. It’s amazing how much they mean to me… and this proved it. Here are some pictures of the new windows. It’s amazing what a difference they make!

The Apartment
The landlord was paid the money I owed her and all is quiet now. Thank God. I won’t let that happen again.

The Goals
I haven’t sold the car yet because I haven’t got the dents repaired yet. However I did fix the headlights. By myself. That’s right, I changed my own headlights. And they work. So at least I can drive it at night again if necessary.

I am keeping better track of my money. The check registers are almost up-to-date. … just have to add a few things.

So that brings you up-to-speed on those things…. here’s what’s on the horizon:

Chorus
Auditions were held for our CGMC show, “CGMC World Tour” and I am feeling cautiously optimistic about my chances. I will let you know more once the cast list is posted. Why get anyone’s (including mine) hopes up?

We are also going away this weekend for a retreat. This is an annual weekend-long event filled with rehearsals, talent shows, etc. It’s always fun and I look forward to it every year.

Work
Work has been absolutely insane lately. In fact, as I was typing this, they called to see if I could come in early. So I am cutting this short.

See why I don’t blog much lately? Always on the go! That’s me.

Friends
Finally, all my love to Pua and Karen, my blog gals… Pua for her husband Charlie’s mother, who is in my thoughts, and Karen for the return of her hubby.

And it’s Karen’s birthday in a few days so I am wishing her a happy birthday as well.

Love you guys.

Summer Goals

Summer is fast approaching. Hell, if you didn’t know any better, you’d think it was already here. Today’s Chicago temperature hit 83 degrees. Rock on!

So with the onset of the summer months comes a set of goals.

Goals that I will probably forget all about in a week do everything in my power to acheive in the next few months.

Goals that are completely unrealistic, knowing my track record are easy to achieve if I just apply myself.

So without further ado, too late, here are my goals.

1. I will get my bike fixed and start taking those rides along Lake Michigan that I’ve been wanting to take for the last three years but I’ve been too lazy to do anything about my broken bike.

2. I will sell my car. After I fix all the dents and scratches and broken headlights that are on it now.

3. I will spend less time parked in front of my computer (except when I’m blogging) and more time outdoors.

4. I will spend more time at the beach if I can get up the nerve to take off my shirt in public again.

5. I will continue dating even though the guy I was seeing suddenly stopped calling and writing and I haven’t heard from him in almost two weeks.

6. I will keep better track of my money. No smartass remarks there.

7. I will continue to blog, even when sometimes I can’t think of a single thing to blog about.

8. I will probably look at this list in a couple weeks and laugh out loud, knowing that I hadn’t even begun to accomplish any of them.

9. I will stop being so cynical.

10. I will forget about #10, because I know that cynicism is inherent in gay men, and there is nothing I can do about it.

11. I will start taking the train to visit my parents instead of driving. Because I will have sold my car. After I got it fixed. With all the money I’d saved because I had kept better track of it. Because I will have spent less time in front of the computer (minus the time spent blogging) and more time balancing my checkbook. Because I will be happily dating a sexy man. Because I will be in such good shape because I will be riding my bike everywhere. Because I finally fixed the damn thing.

These are hefty, lofty goals. I need lots of encouragement and positive reinforcement to accomplish them. I think I can do it.

What do you think?

Wish me luck!

Out with the old

Honest to God, my life is truly this boring as of late. I am devoting post after post to new windows. Am I really this lame?

Here is why I am excited to be getting new windows…















The new ones are IN… but it’s night time right now, so I’ll take pix when the sun’s out again.

I'm all alone

They’re coming to do my windows today. So I brought the “kids” (Pippin and Screech) to my friends’ place last night.

Last night when I came home from rehearsal it was odd not having them around.

I miss my babies. 😦

But hopefully tomorrow they can come home and peer out clean new windows.

I just want this all OVER WITH ALREADY!