Here’s a few things that I found myself pondering this past weekend. Maybe you can help me figure out why these things happen.
Why is it that when someone says he’s really sweet and easy to talk to
and really is into the idea of having wild monkeysex with you; when you go to his apartment to meet for an afternoon of said monkeysex for the first time, he mysteriously disappears from behind his door and is therefore conveniently unable to open the door?
Why is it that every time the chorus goes on its weekend retreat, everyone talks about all the sex and laviscious happenings that occur, but the one and only time you have ever had sex in the 5-6 years you have been going on these retreats is when you were dating your roommate? (And no, that wasn’t this year. Dammit.)
Why is it that when you add the words “GOD DAMN” before any noun– or for that matter, any particular place in a sentence– you instantly sound like Bette Davis or Joan Crawford? (Try it, it works! Pick up your GOD DAMN mess! Walk like a GOD DAMN Egyptian!)
Why is it that whenever you feel like your head is about to explode
because you drank yourself stupid the night before and you would much rather be in bed with ten pillows OVER your head, your chorus director sics one of his choreographers on the ENTIRE chorus; teaching them a number that starts with EVERYONE JUMPING UP AND DOWN.
Why is it that whenever I see someone online and I send him a message saying “Hi!” he never responds, but if I walk away from my computer for just five minutes, I instantly get 15 messages from cute guys wanting to chat with me?
And Why is it that when I try to reply to said cute guys, they’ve suddenly signed off
in obvious frustration with me because I didn’t respond quickly enough?
And Why is it also that every one of those cute guys is from someplace impossible to drive to in one full 24-hour day?
Why is it that whenever the weather is absolutely gorgeous outside, I am either driving from some far-away destination or stuck at work watching everyone else enjoy themselves?
And Why is it that these people do not have jobs like me?
Why is it that whenever I blog about something that I pour my heart into, I get zero or one comment; but whenever I blog about something worthless and silly much like this post, I get zillions of comments?
Why is it that I use such hyperbole as “zillions of comments” when I’ve only ever had maybe, at most, 10 at a time?
Why is it that I use words such as “hyperbole” in my posts, knowing full well that I’m going to have to search Google to make sure that I actually know what it means first?
Why is it that I am still typing this post at 3:45 in the morning?