It's A Good Thing Sammy Sosa isn't a Bunny Named Buster

It’s been quite a news week.

1. Buster Baxter. Hot on the stiletto heels of Georgy-Porgy’s inauguration and Disheveled State of the DisUnion Address, the radical right strikes again, this time lashing out at Buster Baxter, a children’s cartoon on PBS. The episode entitled “Sugartime,” in which the characters visit a syrup factory in Vermont, came under fire because Buster and his family are “exposed” to a lesbian couple and their child. When introduced to the child, who shows Buster pictures of her mother and her lesbian partner, Buster replies “That’s a lot of moms!”

To quote the Chicago Tribune columnist Maureen Ryan:

“The number of lesbian mothers in the episode — there are actually four in total, heading two different families that live near each other in Vermont — prompted “very serious concerns” by new Education Secretary Margaret Spellings, who said last week that government money should not have gone toward the making of that particular episode of “Buster.” Some funding for the 4-month-old show, which is a live-action compilation of travel footage interspersed with short animated segments starring the talkative rabbit, comes in the form of Department of Education grants.

PBS officials said last week that they will not distribute the episode in question, “Sugartime!,” to the public television network’s 349 member stations. However the station that produces “Buster,” Boston’s WGBH, will make “Sugartime!” available to PBS stations, and so far 18 stations have said they plan to air it, according to the Baltimore Sun. WGBH was scheduled to show the episode on Wednesday. “

As it turns out, WTTW, the Chicago PBS affiliate is planning on showing “Sugartime.” Email your thank-yous to WTTW for having the bravery to stand up to our archaic “administration” here.

2. Sammy Sosa. I am a Cubs fan, and I was a Sammy Sosa fan. Note the word “was” in that sentence. There is something to be said for his contributions to the team over the years, but in the last year or two, he has shown just how immature and pig-headed a 36 year old man can be. To walk out on his team like he did the last day of the 2004 season is simply disgraceful. Sure, nobody else wanted to be there either, but the rest of them stayed.

So Sammy is off to Baltimore to play for the Orioles. Good riddance. See ya. Have a nice time. Good luck.

He had overstayed his welcome by, oh, 3-4 years anyway.

3. Martha Stewart. She’s getting out of jail soon. And just in time, she’s been signed to the next go-around of “The Apprentice.” That’s right folks, Martha wants you to work for her. Housewives (desperate or not) are lining up in droves already.

The Tribune, God love ’em, had a poll today on their website asking readers what Martha’s catch phrase would be (akin to The Donald’s “You’re Fired”). Here are some examples of what readers suggested. Can you think of any good ones?

You are unacceptable! Farewell!

Find another place to frost your cupcakes honey cause your (sic) DONE!!

You’re fired…then glazed… and then hand-painted with a delicate pattern of tiny pink roses.

Sorry…you’ve been tasted, basted and now you’re terminated!

Your muffins are BURNED.

You’re about as good as microwaved eggs!

I think it would be a Good Thing for you to work elsewhere.

Don’t let my beautiful French doors impact upon your posterior as you leave. (my personal favorite)

You’re a souffle that has just fallen.

You’re cooked! (with some lovely broccoli florets and a fine Chardonnay.)

You’re flambeed!

Goodbye Sun-Times

I am such a mega-klutz.

Sunday I had to go in to work from 11-3pm. We were still in the midst of proposal hell (5 proposals, all due on Monday. Yeah last week was a ton of fun, folks) and I had to go in and do some work. That meant forgoing one of my rehearsals, but money is money. Oh and the fact that my two co-workers had each sacrificed their weekends the two weekends prior to this one. I guess I was due.

Anyway, I got up and drove in, because I was told (thankfully) by my manager that he would cover my parking expenses. And buy me lunch. OK I’m a cheapskate (and I like a free lunch) so why not, right?

I parked the car and started walking out, but the regular exit was blocked. You see, I work in the IBM building, which is right across the street from the former Chicago Sun-Times building, which is being torn down as I type this to build the colossal Trump Tower Chicago. So everything from one end of my building to the parking garage right next to it is an absolute mess. Sun-Times is half-gone and they have closed Wabash Avenue in front of my building and are tearing that down as well. Which is no big deal if your building is directly on solid land, but the street is elevated where we are, so there’s a massive crater where the street once was and everything is being re-routed around it. Again, pictures will tell the story better. (See at the end of this story.)

ANYWAY, since the parking garage’s exit was closed, I had to go out the auto entrance. Which meant walking down a rather steep decline with no steps. Which was treacherous because the ground was slick, because it was warm that day and ice and snow were melting. Which made my footing not-so-good. And so I slipped. And fell. On my left knee. And tore my favorite pair of jeans. And skinned my knee. Badly.

Needless to say, I was not in a wonderful mood when I got into the office.

So what happens when you skin your knee on the dirty pavement of a parking garage? Crud gets into your knee. And it gets infected. Nice, eh?

I cleaned it out the best I could and got some ointment from the first aid kit and bandaged it up with the tiny finger-sized bandages they had in supply. But I still had to work. And go to CGMC rehearsal after work.

Luckily I had a Gap gift card and was able to buy some replacement jeans quickly. One can’t be seen with a gaping hole in your pants and a bleeding, oozing knee peeking through it when you’re amongst 100+ gay men. (Grossed out yet?)

My point? This puppy hurts like a sonofagun. I’ve changed the bandages three times and it still is red. And oozy. I’ve used peroxide to clean it out and rebandaged it again tonight. I hope to see some healing soon.

Now aren’t you glad I shared that story with you?