Dear Google

en homage de Hot Toddy….

Dearest Google:

I love your search engine. I use it daily. Often. Constantly, even. I even like all your little doodad add-ons to my browser and I especially love the Google Toolbar. Great stuff. Keep up the good work.

I just don’t get the Gmail thing.

Everyone’s raving about it, saying how it is the best thing since sliced pumpernickel bread. I’ve tried Gmail. I have an account.

I don’t see what the big deal is.

You’re telling me that I can categorize stuff and sort Emails and do things I can’t do with Outlook or Eudora. Well that’s great, but I need to get some Emails sent to me first before I can actually do all that. Which means I have to transfer all my addresses to the account, hope they all translate, then set them all up again, write the obligatory “Hey I changed Email accounts” Email and then hope that everyone switches their Email address-on-file for me to correspond to it.

Sorry, I’m not gonna do it. It’s just another bother that I don’t want to deal with right now.

And now you give me 6 accounts to give to all my friends, as if to bring them “into the fold.” I really can’t do that. Sorry. (If you’re reading this, and you really want one of them, you can have them. But don’t expect me to give you the hard-sell spiel about how great it is. I just really don’t care that much.)

Don’t get me wrong, Google. There’s a lot of great stuff that you have put out recently. Hell, you even own Blogger. I can’t argue with that. But sometimes I think too much is too much. Revolutionizing Email? Great, wonderful, love the concept, but I’ll read it when it comes out in paperback. I’ve switched Email accounts so many times over the years that people started to ask me when the next switch was going to occur, as if they were expecting it. The fact that I’ve now had the same Email account for nearly 3 years is a record. I kind of like it. Familiarity is nice. Comforting, even.

So, Google, thank you for developing this wonderful new Email system that everyone is talking about. I applaud you for your efforts, and think you are doing a great job. And congrats on going public, I heard your stock prices went up $20 a share the other day. (Of course, did I buy into it? Nooooo…)

But just leave me be with my silly old-fashioned Email account whose name is linked to a company that doesn’t even exist anymore. If I need you, should I need you, I’ll let you know.