The Shit (Eating Grin) Hits the Fan

I knew it couldn’t last.

In one week, my spirits go from high to low. I went on and on about this cute boy, the great date we had, and how great I felt about it.

Well today I feel… well… like shit.

I hadn’t talked to him in the last few days. In fact, I’d tried calling him one day but he didn’t answer. No big deal. I figured he was busy, or didn’t have his phone with him, or what have you. Besides, it’s not like I was talking to him every day. I wasn’t. It was only one date. No expectations or anything.

This morning one of my friends sends an Email out to a group of us, inviting us to his place for drinks before we hit the bars. I respond and say I’ll be there. The boy was on the list, so I figured I’d see him tonight.

I called him and got him on the phone. He said he was getting ready to go to the auditions for solos for the Chorus show, which I was getting ready to do as well. I told him I’d see him there.

Cut to the auditions. He shows up, we talk a bit and decide to carpool to our friend’s house. He’d stop by to pick me up.

7:30 rolls around. No call from him.

8:00 – nothing.

8:15 – I call him, figuring maybe he took a nap and overslept. I leave a message on his voice mail.

8:30 – I get a call from him. I hear laughter and music in the background.

He forgot about me.

Yep, that’s right, plain forgot about me. Never mind that it was now an hour past when we were supposed to arrive. Never mind that we only talked about it less than 3 hours earlier. Never mind that he said he’d call me before he picked me up. He just plain forgot about me.

Now I can handle taking things slow. I can handle dating someone who’s not ready to commit to anything and just casually dating. I want the same thing right now. I don’t want to jump into anything serious or make any huge plans with someone that I’ve only been on one date with.

All I want is honesty. I demand it. I want someone to think about me once in a while and at least say “hey.” And if you aren’t interested, or have someone else on your mind, tell me. Don’t drag me along and lead me on. Don’t make me think that something is what it really isn’t, and have me find out the hard way that I was wrong, all along.

By just plain forgetting about me, and not even thinking about me until (as I found out later) he had been at the party for nearly an hour; when my friends kept saying “Hmm, I wonder where Rick is… he’s usually late but this is unusual” to give him a CLUE that something was amiss, only to have him NOT GET THE CLUE; by having him call me and say how sorry he was, and then to say “I’d come and get you, but I’d never find parking again…”

That, folks, is just plain rude and just plain hurtful.

Whereas one week ago I felt like I was on top of the world, and I might just have a chance with dating again, not even to mention romance, in one short, fleeting moment, I felt like the dirt on the bottom of someone’s shoe. It hurt.

Now you may think I’m a fool, or you may think I was incredibly brave, but instead of deciding to stay at home and mope, I went to that party. I called a goddamn cab and went. I wasn’t going to let this little twit ruin my night.

But it was hard. And I just couldn’t look him in the eye. If he didn’t get the clue that I was disappointed with him, then he wasn’t worth dating in the first place.

I also got the feeling that he had come with another guy from the Chorus, but I couldn’t be 100% certain. They seemed to be overly chatty, as if they had maybe also been on a date or gotten to know each other fairly well as of late. Under normal circumstances, I may not have read into that as such, but considering what happened this evening, I couldn’t help but notice it.

So my guards were up, I was not feeling festive, and I was not having a good time. We hung around my friend’s place for a while and then headed to the bar. It was packed, and I was not in the mood for a crowd. And to add insult to injury, during one of my “love laps,” I saw the last guy I dated, who I really did NOT want to see tonight.

I left. I had had enough.

And now, here I am.

I’ve been through a lot of bullshit in my life. I have dated some great guys and some real assholes. Nothing ever seems to work out for me. I am sick and tired of getting my hopes up, only to have them squashed to tiny little bits. My heart cannot take any more of these games. I don’t want to go through the rest of my life being bitter and jaded by my life experiences, but the way things are going, I am headed in the direction. I don’t want to go there. I want to figure out how I can change the course of my destiny and find the happiness that I KNOW I DESERVE. How long will it take? I don’t know. But I am tired of shedding tears and mending my broken heart. Something has to give.

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18 thoughts on “The Shit (Eating Grin) Hits the Fan

  1. I’m amazed at how often a guy can me make me feel on top of the world one day and like shit on another. When the latter happens I get mad at myself for giving someone else that much control over my feelings.

    Just remember – his behavior is a reflection of him and not of you. He’s an asshole – glad you found this out sooner than later.

    There are some real men out there – not all gay men are boys.

    xoxoxo – Aaron

  2. I’m amazed at how often a guy can me make me feel on top of the world one day and like shit on another. When the latter happens I get mad at myself for giving someone else that much control over my feelings.

    Just remember – his behavior is a reflection of him and not of you. He’s an asshole – glad you found this out sooner than later.

    There are some real men out there – not all gay men are boys.

    xoxoxo – Aaron

  3. let the anger and frustrations out and move on – it’s the smart and mature thing to do, two qualities that this chorus boy clearly does not possess.

  4. let the anger and frustrations out and move on – it’s the smart and mature thing to do, two qualities that this chorus boy clearly does not possess.

  5. Darling Rick~ DO NOT lose any sleep or waste another moment of your precious life thinking about this “person”. I’m with Aaron. His behavior defines HIM, not you. You are a wonderful man, VERY deserving of another wonderful man to love you, and care about and for you. It will come. Don’t let yourself walk down that path of self-doubt and don’t become bitter and jaded. You just keep being the WHO and the WHAT of YOU. All will be as it should. Love you.

  6. Forget about him and move on. There’s nothing to be gained by wondering “what if.” The guy’s apparently a flake, which you do not deserve.

  7. Darling Rick~ DO NOT lose any sleep or waste another moment of your precious life thinking about this “person”. I’m with Aaron. His behavior defines HIM, not you. You are a wonderful man, VERY deserving of another wonderful man to love you, and care about and for you. It will come. Don’t let yourself walk down that path of self-doubt and don’t become bitter and jaded. You just keep being the WHO and the WHAT of YOU. All will be as it should. Love you.

  8. Forget about him and move on. There’s nothing to be gained by wondering “what if.” The guy’s apparently a flake, which you do not deserve.

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