Lube-alicious

Since I can’t think of anything else to post about (maybe because this week is so incredibly boring, I dunno) I am going to do something inane, silly and FUN.

Well, at least I hope you think it’s fun.

See, I am very picky about my lubes.

You know, personal lubricants. The stuff you use to keep things… lubed.

No, I’m not talking about cars here. If you’re thinking about that, you might have the wrong blog. But please, stick around and check out some other posts. There might be things of some sort of interest for you, somewhere.

So let’s get right down to business, shall we?

Wet. Wet made a huge splash (har har) in the late 80’s and early 90’s and has tried to remain dominant in the lube industry. I personally can’t stand the crap. It’s tacky, sticky and yucky. It’s like using the gummy end of a postage stamp to have sex. What fun is that? Yuk.

But it’s easily accesible. In fact, in Chicago, you can get it at your local grocery stores. That is, of course, the ones close to “Boystown.” Otherwise you’re stuck with…

KY. Now, I remember when I first came out that everyone used KY. You had to. It was the only lube around. So when I started to become “Sexually Active” I bought myself a tube. I thought I was jacking off with toothpaste. Were they kidding? This was supposed to make sex fun, long-lasting and burn-free? Ew. I did find that if you added water — and lots of it — it would at least have some sort of useful consistency. But washing that crap off your hands afterward was like trying to wash dried egg off of a hot stove. Ain’t gonna happen.

I do have to add, though, that KY now has a Wet-like lube that is quite nice… if you can afford the $12 you have to pay for a tiny 2.5 oz bottle. (Not that Wet is any better. Who prices this stuff anyway? Geez it’s expensive.)

Astroglide. Another old favorite that IS my favorite. This stuff is consistently smooth, doesn’t get tacky and works like magic. I rarley have to use more than a quarter’s size dollop to finish the job. It’s good stuff, reasonably cheap, and also available at my local grocery chains. Woo hoo!

Eros. Now this stuff is great for some heavy duty good playing. It never gets tacky. EVER. But it feels like you coated your hands in the grease from a deep fat fryer. It’s water soluable, but it just feels… dirty. Washing with Dawn usually helps to get rid of that not-so-fresh feeling.

ID. It’s ok. It’s very “Wet-like” but less tacky. There’s a gazillion different varieties too. I don’t think I’ve ever tried the same one twice. And you can always count on a few squirts of ID lube in your favorite freebie condom packs that you get from various AIDS organizations and at bars. Not my favorite, but I don’t hate it.

Spit. Truly, it’s the best in certain situations, but come on. The mouth doesn’t produce nearly enough at a nearly fast enough rate for me to do what I need to do with it. Unless maybe my saliva glands are impaired. But it does qualify.

OK before I go too far (too late) I’ll open it up to the forum. What’s your favorite lube? Is there one that I should try? Let’s make this a learning experience for all, shall we? Thanks!