I’ve found a new talent for myself.
The topic du jour on Tribe lately is… “If They Had A Blog.”
People are posting names of people they think would have interesting blogs.. if they kept one. Common ones are Salvador Dali, Oscar Wilde, Nelson Mandela (the attention whore, as Toddy says,) Janeane Garafolo, and countless others.
Yet one name caught my eye… and my imagination. (Thanks to EViLL) – Jesus Christ.
What would Jesus’s blog read like? Fascinating stuff.
EViLL started it off:
“Woke up. Washed feet. Learned I could walk on water – how cool is that? Wept. Said 5 Hail Marys and she was all like, “I heard you the first time, Jesus Christ!”
I found that funny… so I added my $.02
“Went in the fridge and there was nothing there but some cold fish and a stale loaf of bread. I was freaking out because I had people coming over in an hour. So I just talked to Dad and next thing you know, the whole fridge was full– all kinds of fish and enough bread to feed a multitude. Had to fill bushels with the extra. It was nuts. Sometimes Dad doesn’t think about leftovers. Oh well, at least my friends were full.”
I instantly saw my Hell-Score go up 50 points. And a new inspiration was born. I couldn’t be stopped. So I decided to ghost-write for a few more “famous folks”…
“Got up at 12:30 AM. Started weeding roses. Decided they were in my way, so I chopped them down. Yelled at Christina. (She’s so insolent.) Drank a fifth of gin to ease the pain. Strangled Christina because she was obstinate. Sent her to boarding school. I love my children, really I do…”
“Woke up, smoked a cigarette, went for a drive in Beverly Hills, went shopping. Smoked another cigarette. Fought with my daughter. Pissed off a few media types, but hell, I don’t care. Went on Letterman and put him in his place. Still waiting for my next movie deal…”
“Guards woke me up. I told them a nice pleasant “Good morning” is sufficient, but they insist on banging on the rails of my cell. Rude. All we had for breakfast was oatmeal. I wish I could add a sprig of fresh mint at least to make it presentable. These people know nothing about presentation. *sigh*…”
“Uh… Laura made some corn flakes… yummm… Put sugar on em. They were yummy. Dick Cheney gave me my “To-Do” list for today. I couldn’t read half of it. Had to ask Dad what it meant. Might go for a drive if I could find my car keys. Oh wait, I ride horses. Duh..”
“So Adam and I were just sitting around, looking at all the pretty things … AGAIN… when all of a sudden this ugly snake comes up and starts trying to shove this apple down my throat. I told him that it was too round for my throat, but maybe a bite would be good enough. After all, I WAS hungry (and getting REALLY tired of leaves and twigs. Yuk.) So I take a bite and give some to Adam… and all of a sudden I’M NAKED! WHAT THE HELL??!!! So I run to hide myself from Adam. Perv. At least that nasty snake was gone….”
I think my celeb blogs are more exciting than my own. Yikes!