I just woke up. It’s nearly 11:45.
I had another one of those “can’t-sleep-because-I-need-sex-but-I’m-not-getting-it-so-why-am-I-wasting-my-time-online” nights last night.
That coming after a day where my emotional rollercoaster was going higher and doing more hairpin turns and loop-de-loops than ever before.
OK, I was a mess yesterday.
First it was Eric’s funeral. That would do it to anyone, right? It was a nice service, held in the big Catholic church just steps away from Boystown. I’d always passed by the place but never gone in… being the good ex-Catholic that I am. The service was nice, but again, it was oh-so-typically Catholic. Long. Lots of standing and sitting. Communion. The usual drill.
Communion struck me as odd. All these gayboys were going up and getting Communion. I had to wonder how many of them actually do the “right Catholic thing”– go to Confession (now called “Reconciliation,”) and tell all of their sins to a Priest. If I had to do that, I’d keep the poor old guy there for a week. It’s not worth it. Might as well let him eat and sleep and do the things he needs to do, rather than sit there and listen to me blather on. (And starve to death in the process.)
A few of us joked (predictably) that we were suprised that we weren’t struck down by lightning when we walked in the church. Yes, it’s an old one, but it’s still effective.
So anyway, the service was nice, the Chorus sang (although we didn’t sing our first choices– the songs had to be religious or Biblical in theme or we couldn’t sing them. Luckily in our last concert there were two such songs ready to go, or would couldn’t have sung anything. Catholics.)
I was touched by the large number of people that came to pay their respects to Eric. So was his family. While I was extremely sad, this warmed my heart greatly. I was honored to have known someone who made so many wonderful friends.
Then I started thinking, “How well-attended will my funeral be?”
Boy what a downer.
After the funeral we had lunch at Ann Sather’s, a popular restaurant not far from the church. The Chorus was supposed to sing again but we decided it would be inappropriate so we didn’t.
So we paid our final respects and moved on to Sidetrack for the video viewing party for the Chorus’s spring show, “Low Hanging Fruit.”
Talk about a shift in emotion. Now we were all together and laughing and having a fun time. But I was still in one of my moods. I wasn’t feeling overly social. I enjoyed myself, but I had no money with which to buy a drink, so I didn’t have one. I felt out of place. I actually thought about leaving a few times, but I stayed until the end.
When I got home, I decided I was “in for the night.” I was supposed to go to a couple more parties (one hosted by old friends of mine that I haven’t seen in a long time) but I just wasn’t up for it. Instead, I made dinner, played with the cats, and sat online.
I’m still in a funk today. I need to snap out of this.
I know my friends are probably at the beach. I should maybe go and see if they are there. Or maybe not. See how conflicted I am? What should I do?
And I still have no money. I won’t for another week. Damn that trip to Montreal for being so damned expensive.
Oh look… Manhunt….