Is there anyone out there?

Sometimes I wonder if I’m posting stuff for my own entertainment. Maybe I am.

In any case it doesn’t look like anyone’s reading this thing. Am I that boring? Would you rather hear of my sexual escapades? Oh wait, there aren’t any to tell about. How about my dating life? Oh yeah, that’s right, I don’t have one.

I’m sorry, I am just foul and bitter about things lately.

I went to my friend Eric’s wake tonight. It was, to say the least, a very sobering experience.

Three weeks ago I was talking to him. Now he’s gone.

He was only 37 years old. Ridiculously young. His body failed him. Bad kidneys, bad liver.

Why is it that someone so wonderful had to be struck down so quickly?

His family was all there. Eric was Filipino. There were family members everywhere. They loved Eric. They knew he was gay. They loved him because he was their son, their brother, their nephew or cousin. It made me feel even more love and appreciation for him. I could see where he got his wonderful personality from.

Tomorrow is the funeral, and the Chorus is singing. I don’t know how I’ll get through it, but that’s what we do– we sing, even when times are rough and our hearts are broken. It’s the greatest gift we can give to Eric. He would be so thankful. As we were for him.

Sorry, I’m overly melancholy tonight. I actually tried to sit online and coordinate a hookup. Bad idea. I’m just not in the mood. In fact, I haven’t been for quite some time. I just don’t want to bother with that anymore. Too much work, and not enough reward. What’s the point?

If you’re reading this (if anyone is) you may have also noticed that I jumped on the “100 Things About Me” bandwagon. Of course, I added a few “sub-points”. There might be some surprising things in there, there might not be. But it’s all about me. I’ll move them to my other server after a while so they don’t clog this page up so much.

Boy is this ever a true RcktRambling. I’m just spouting out what’s in my mind. Random thoughts. I guess that makes a true weblog. Or a journal. Or whatever you want to call it.

A boy in distress
Cries out for the hand
That comforted him
Throughout his life
From childhood
To adulthood.
He reaches for it,
Finding the air,
And grasps at nothing.

Thing about me #93: I like to write poetry to clear my mind.

100 Things About Me

1. I am single.
1a. This rarely ever changes.
2. I love to sing.
3. My favorite food is Italian.
4a. I make a kickass meatball.
5. I was born in Kenosha, Wisconsin
6. I am a Packer fan, but not a Brewer Fan.
7. I am a Cubs fan, but not a Bears Fan.
8. I used to have a Cabaret show at Gentry in Chicago.
9. I worked for Six Flags Great America for 12 years before the bastards fired me.
9a. It was the first time I’d ever been fired.
9b. It was the best thing that ever happened to me.
10. I grew up with dogs, but I own two cats.
11. I have one sister, and she is married.
12. I have no nieces or nephews (yet).
13. Most of my friends are in the Chicago Gay Men’s Chorus or the Windy City Performing Arts.
14. I am a member of both groups.
15. I am not related to Danny Aiello.
16. My favorite artist is Elton John.
17. The RcktMan in my name is an homage to Elton John’s song “Rocket Man”
18. My first online experience was on Prodigy back in 1992.
19. I used to consider myself an Independent voter, but I now consider myself a Democrat.
20. I was raised Catholic, but do not practice it anymore.
21. My uncle is a priest.
22. I have only one first cousin.
23. My mom had my sister because she did not want me to grow up an only child. (She was an only child.)
24. We named our second dog “Cubby” after the Chicago Cubs.
24a. His name was my idea.
25. My cat’s names are Pippin and Screech.
25a. Pippin is named after the musical, not the basketball player.
25b. Screech is so named because he’s so chatty, not after the “Saved By The Bell” character.
25c. My ex named Screech.
26. I have friends all over the country and in many areas of the world.
27. I have never been to Europe.
28 I have never been to paradise– or to me, for that matter.
28a. I don’t know what the hell that means.
29. I never knew either of my grandfathers.
30. I have relatives in Italy who are enormously wealthy because of their coffee empire, “Aiello Coffee”
30a. I have bought and tasted Aiello Coffee.
30b. I don’t know any of these relatives, therefore will probably not inherit a penny when they die.
31. I did the layout for Carol Moseley Braun’s resume in 2001.
31a. She paid me $200 for the service. She paid with a personal check. I have a copy of the check.
32. I have never kissed a girl.
33. I have never had sex with a woman.
34. My first kiss and my first time having sex with a man was when I was 23 years old.
35. I am now 33 years old.
36. I have a solo on the Chicago Gay Men’s Chorus’s first CD, “Cool Yule.”
37. My favorite drink is Rum & Coke
38. I have never done drugs of any kind.
39. I have never smoked a cigarette.
40. I have smoked cigars but only puffed on them.
41. I am a top.
42. I love to kiss.
43. I love to cuddle.
44. I am extremely affectionate.
45. I can be a bit of a loner at times.
46. I have been called “introspective”
47. In college I was heavily involved in DECA, a student marketing organization.
47a. I was elected Wisconsin State SE Region Vice President in 1992 and State President in 1993.
47b. I was elected State Alumni President in 1998 (after having moved to Chicago).
48. I served on the board of CGMC for 2 years.
49. I will not serve on any boards again for a long time.
50. My last ex and I were together for a year.
50a. It was my longest relationship.
51. One of my fondest memories is going to the Wisconsin State Fair with my family and going down the huge slide.
52. Another fond memory is going to see my Grandma in Antioch, Illinois. It always seemed so far away.
53. I had my tonsils removed in July of 2003.
54. I have decided to omit the previous #54-55 and #57 for personal reasons.

55. omitted
56. I am surrounded by a network of wonderful, loving and supportive friends.
57. omitted
58. My father is Diabetic and my mother suffers from Emphysema.
59. While growing up, I wanted to be a teacher.
60. I graduated with an Associate Degree in Marketing in 1994.
61. I still want to complete my Bachelor’s and Masters degree someday.
62. I live way beyond my means.
63. I have horrible credit.
64. I own a car, but still rent my apartment.
65. I would like to buy my own condo within the next 3 years.
66. I cry at sappy movies and songs.
67. I love comedies.
68. I love gardening
69. I grow my own herbs.
70. I hate housecleaning and laundry.
71. But I love when my home is clean.
72. I have a gym membership that I haven’t used in 4 years.
73. My bike has sat with a flat tire for 3 years.
74. I thoroughly believe that if I worked out, I’d be “Hot”.
75. I am too lazy to make that happen.
76. I listen to music when I fall asleep.
77. “Queer Eye” is about the only TV I watch anymore.
78. I hate seeing movies by myself, so I rarely see movies.
79. I love to cook for myself.
80. I rarely ever go out anymore.
81. I cut my own hair.
82. My favorite breakfast food is Eggs Benedict.
83. I love Tombstone Pizzas.
84. I would fail miserably at the Atkins Diet.
85. White Castle hamburgers are my nemesis.
86. I have very few enemies.
87. I believe there is a direct correlation between one’s relationship with his or her family and the type of person he or she is socially.
88. I have a very good relationship with my family.
89. I am not a morning person.
90. I am a definite night owl.
91. I spend a lot of time online but rarely ever “hook up” anymore.
92. I’m ready to “settle down”.
93. I like to write poetry to clear my mind.
94. My favorite author is John Irving.
95. I think Dolly Parton is one of the most underrated artists alive today.
96. I think The Beatles were geniuses.
97. I think George W. Bush was the biggest failure of all of the US Presidents, ever.
98. I think John Kerry will do a fine job as our President.
99. I have voted in every Presidential election since I became eligible.
100. I think the future of America is pretty bright.

Precious Time

The same day I got back from Montreal, I found out that one of my friends in the Chorus had died.

Eric was one of those guys who was always around, and you always expected him to be there. He was quiet, unassuming, and warm. Yet he never wanted anything special. He just was a good person.

He had a penchant for drag. In fact, he made a knockout drag queen. And he was fiercely talented when it came to makeup. Many of the boys in the Chorus came to him for makeup tips whenever they needed to be done up for a show.

He had a radiant smile. It lit up the room. And a hearty laugh to back up the smile.

He wasn’t one of my best friends, but he was, indeed, a friend. Four years ago when I was working a dead-end job in retail, he stopped in at the store and we had a long talk about how I wasn’t happy with my job and needed to find something new. Eric helped me. He recommended me for a position where he was working. I went in for an interview, but it wasn’t the right fit for me at the time. However, hedidn’t stop there. He got me in contact with a former co-worker of his who was leaving her position at the law firm she was working at. I interviewed with them, and have been there now for the last 3 years. Without his encouragement and that extra push that he gave me, I might not have made the transition at all. I have Eric to thank for that.

Having said that, I certainly hoped I appropriately thanked him. I’m pretty sure I did, but if not…

Eric, thank you. You were a true friend.

I will miss you.


Well I’ve been at this now for about a month. So far it’s pretty fun.

On one hand, it’s given me something fun to do instead of sit on gay chatrooms all night long. On the other hand, I’m still up til all hours reading blogs and posting comments. The rest of the time I’m tweaking this blog, adjusting the template, trying to make it just right. I could use some tips if something looks awry. So far, though, I think I’m doing pretty good.

I put my blog on a couple search engines in hopes that I get some more readers. Question is, will they want to read it? I think I have some interesting things to say and some good stories to tell. There’s definitely more to come. What’s here is only the beginning… I’ve got other ideas conjured up, but I can only do so much.

One thing I have to stop doing is blogging at work. I’m gonna get caught. Can’t let that happen. I got a really great review just before I went on vacation (plus a 5% raise. Can’t beat that in these times.) So I just have to cool it. It’s fun though. I could very easily be a powerblogger. I just need to set the right paramaters and stick to them.

In the meantime, I’m lonely, I’m horny, I’m bored, and I need some excitement in my life. Oh wait, I’m also poor, at least until the 7th of August. Damn this job’s stupid paydates. I need money, and NOW! (Montreal was an EXPENSIVE trip!)

At least Chorus starts up again in a month.

God, I’m pathetic!